Goodbye…Sorry to everyone..I just can’t take it… (Part 1)

Goodbye, Sorry to everyone… I just can’t take it… all the thoughts… too many…make my head twist.. I must have happiness.. love, peace, ..goodbye..

I don’t fit in I’m thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever is after this life - that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE - w/ me - my soul (existence)

That’s all for this topic…maybe I’ll never see this again…

oooh god, I want to die so bad…such a sad, desolate, lonely unsalvageable I feel I am…not fair NOT FAIR!!!

[redacted] can get me that gun I hope, I want to use it on a poor S.O.B. I know..his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give..

I hate everything, why can’t I die..not fair.

No emotions. not caring yet another stage in this shit life. suicide…
Dylan Klebold

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

Abandonment. this room sux..wanna die

———————————————————————————— "He had a lot of pain - he told me that,” says his friend Sarah Slater, 16.

Posted 2 days ago with 152 Notes - Reblog - Via - Source
# dylan klebold 

School Shootings: Moms Share What It's Like to Live Through a Lockdown 



This whole article pisses me off.

"This phenomena is relatively recent to modern America because the culture of tolerance, morals, and values has dramatically changed."

Seriously? It’s changed for the WORSE??? Oh gee, if only we could go back to those wonderful non-violent days where there were still morals and tolerance and values, where black people were lynched and women had less rights, and lgbt people were sent to jail, and the crime rate was higher than it is now, and the mentally ill were locked up for ever and given shock treatments and lobotomies. Truly, they were a less violent, more moral time where there was tolerance and values.

For specifics as to what causes school shootings, she blames:

*”Decline of religion”

* Violent games and movies

* Divorce

* Single mothers

* The working poor

She also blames the parents of shooters as being incompetent self absorbed horrible parents, so that’s real nice of her.

She says that bullying has little to do with the motivation of shooters.

Also says that EVERY shooter she researched was on anti-depressants at the time of the shooting, which is either complete bull shit, or she only researched those that fit her confirmation bias.

"Does a 6-year-old have rage or are they modeling behavior seen from parents, TV, movies, games?" Must be movies and games, I’ve never met a 6 year old who was angry or threw tantrums or had difficulty coping and expressing their feelings; I’ve never met an immature, childish 6 year old.

Also, for a psychologist, I’m surprised she uses “maniacal” rather than the term manic, and believes psychopaths exist.

I once wanted to shoot up my school (for legal issues I can’t say anymore and I don’t plan on one now). None of these reasons fit why.

I agree with both of you that the article is mostly problematic. The quote I lifted from it directly was the only one I felt held a degree of merit, with there being little to no comprehension of what follows ‘the final act’ and everything in their mindscape being geared toward the fulfillment of said act. That is the quote I believe touches briefly upon at least one of the issue’s cores. The rest of it, though, yes.. none of the reasons given fit the reason ‘why’. This article is a must to read simply because it showcases exactly where we are in professional comprehension of school shootings (guess what: not very far), where the system believes the problem lies (the system is externalising the problem by shoving it onto individuals), and which areas in the prevention of school violence are in desperate need of an overhaul and rework (all of them).

This is not a single stand-out article, either, but rather one in a very very long string of similar articles that all mention ‘the (potential) school shooter’ as a single animal rather than as a vastly complex ‘collection’ of individuals whose only common ground is the act of violence. You only need to look at Eric and Dylan to understand that the differences between one shooter and the next are as many as there are stars in the sky — why, then, does the system insist on treating them as though they were and are one and the same? These articles uncover a problem so deep-seated that it’ll take years to even get close to eradicating it, if we can at all, which is that the ‘one size fits all’-mentality that exists in the current system is one of the many contributors as to why we have no current hopes of stopping this phenomenon. (I guess you can say it’s worth the read based on the premise of “know thy enemy”, isn’t it? ;))

School Shootings: Moms Share What It's Like to Live Through a Lockdown 

Posted 5 days ago with 14 Notes - Reblog
# school shootings # worth the read 

What Mass Murderers Are Really Thinking 

» A message from Anonymous:

Gee why not ask the resident "authority" (lol) on Dylan and your butt buddy everlasting-contrast? For fuck's sake, you were a little kid when Columbine happened and she was old enough, legally, to molest him even back then. Can't you two find something in your OWN generations worth a damn? Wannabes.

Hahahaha, are you fucking kidding me.. have you been lying in wait for me to make a post or something? I feel so flattered! You really shouldn’t have. ^^

I sense a lot of butthurt in your ask. Are you from the famous Eric and Dylan generation, sweetcakes? Can’t stand having to share the precious icons of your generation with the ladies here? Does it make you wanna drown yourself in the buckets of chicken your state is famous for? Do you want to talk about wannabes? Tell me what you want, what you really really want!

What does it say about you, I wonder, that you’re not confronting everlasting-contrast with this in her own askbox? And I know why you’re not — her anon option, unlike mine, is turned off. You’re a coward for taking this road, and a swine for what you suggested in this ask.

Now get the fuck off my blog.

Posted 6 days ago with 4 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 

Question time! 

It’s slowly getting to that time where I’ll be writing another one of my opinion pieces on Columbine, and I could use a tiny bit of help getting on the road! So, in short.. I have a question for you that I hope you’ll take some time to answer:

Which quote (or quotes), from him or another source, do you believe best defines Dylan’s character and worldview? (And why?)

Posted 6 days ago with 4 Notes - Reblog
# Columbine # dylan klebold 


Does anyone talk about columbine stuff with their friends/family? A few of my friends and my Mom know about my “little obsession”, but other than that I keep it on the dl. I’m actually surprised about how much my best friends just kinda shrugged about it and didn’t seem too alarmed. I’m not sure what that says about my personality in general lol
What have friends/family said about your interest in Columbine/the boys?

My parents were a little concerned at first, as I have.. ehh.. history with mental illness and had massive problems back in high school that could’ve very well led to me following in the footsteps of the boys. I think they were worried that a lot of Columbine would bring all that old stuff rushing back to affect me a second time. However, they also understood straight away how emotional and interesting this whole thing is to me — and I think that these past 2.5 years have given them plenty of time to be reassured that I’m not negatively affected by it any longer. I can talk about Columbine with them and I know they’re hearing me and fully comprehending the issues at hand. My Dad even spoke with his coworkers over lunchbreak about ‘active shooter/attacker scenarios’ with detailed descriptions of what to do in that case, as he works in customer service for a major retail company and some of his customers tend to be a little confrontational and violent. =) My Mom, on the other hand, is completely ragefesting at JeffCo (like mother, like daughter XD) over the way they handled the aftermath of the massacre and how the families of the victims were treated during that time. She also said that both Eric and Dylan look like “nice kids, the type I could’ve easily raised” and I know that her immediate thoughts were with their families when she said “I bet their parents miss them like crazy and are beating themselves over the head with ‘all the reasons why’ that they missed back when those two young boys were still alive”. I think she empathises with them because she knows how close our own family came to similar drama — it’s hard to come from a place of judgment when you know how much turmoil goes on in the minds of (potential) perpetrators of school violence.

Not all of my friends know about it, but those who do just really take it in stride. One of my best friends said something along the lines of “of course you’re interested and engaged in this case, I wouldn’t expect anything else from you”. She’s known me for a very long time — long enough to not only accept the interest with a smile, but also understand my reasons for keeping this blog and staying invested in it. I don’t really think I’ve really surprised anyone from the people who know about this interest of mine. My friends usually know that I have an outlandish interest or two going on at all times, and they’re welcoming to a degree about it. (And, well, similarly.. having this blog and talking Columbine here has given me the opportunity to form new friendships as well. It’s great to come from a place of mutual understanding and have Columbine be the ‘base’ for a very new friendship with lots of good qualities. =) I’m very grateful to have met so many of you!)


Why don’t other school shootings stand out as much as the Columbine High School Massacre?

This question is something I have been pondering over for a long time. Why did Columbine make such a huge impact when school shootings just like it happen so often? What made Columbine so unique? I have some theories as to why this could be.

1. The Duo: I believe the relationship Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold shared is one of the biggest factors. The fact that there was not one shooter, but two, truly captivated so many people. How often can a person find someone willing to go through such heinous acts alongside them, and at such a young age? These two grew up together for many years and shared an intense hatred for the world around them. They knew what they wanted to do and began planning many months before the event took place. Because of this, the Columbine Massacre played out like no other. While most shootings have just one culprit acting on a short spurt of passion or anger, Eric and Dylan had been hellbent on revenge for a long, long time and worked together to make it happen. Neither one of them got cold feet or chickened out at any time, which proves how dedicated they were to each other and their plans. 

2. The Trend: Both of them knew how the world would react to their story, that they would gain a large following and a series of copycats. In the journals they wrote and webpages they created they stated many times how they knew society would allow their names to live on forever. They knew 100% that the media attention they would get after they died would cause a domino effect in the years to follow, and they couldn’t have been more right. Since 1999, the number of school shootings has skyrocketed and are even beginning to become a trend. There were 17 major shootings in 2012 alone. Eric and Dylan hated everyone and wanted them all to die, and they were aware that by going through with the Columbine massacre, people would continue to die because of them through proxy, even after they themselves were long gone. 

3. The Warning Signs: Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold left a staggering amount of clues and raised many red flags in the time leading up to the massacre, but it still never occurred to anyone how two young boys were capable of doing such a thing. It never even crossed anyones mind. It’s like they left a trail of breadcrumbs that no one noticed until it was too late. The two boys intentionally left bombs and guns in desks and drawers in their rooms like it was a game, and anyone could have found them and prevented the whole thing… however Eric and Dylan both knew no one was looking. They left everything out in the open so that the world would feel the guilt after the tragedy.

4. The Reasoning: The two of them documented their journey and their thought patterns leading up to the day for the world to find after the damage had been done. They wrote their plans and what they were thinking in great detail on webpages and in journals, even taping or recording themselves talking about it. No matter how many times we look at their explanations or reasonings or justifications behind their actions, we will never fully understand why they did what they did, however Eric and Dylan really did try to make it so. 

5. The Making of an Icon: The way they looked, the clothes they wore, everything they did became absolutely iconic. You see a black t-shirt with WRATH written in red lettering or a white t-shirt with NATURAL SELECTION written in black and you know straight away where it’s from. The names Reb and Vodka will forever belong and make you think back to them. The black trench coats and suspenders and combat boots, the pair of gloves they shared on the day of the crime. It all seems like one big movie scene and it all links back to them. Nowadays you see the ‘new’ school shooters idolising and copying everything Eric and Dylan did, like wearing their own t-shirts with edgy phrases such as ‘Humanity is Overrated’, all trying to stand out in the way the Columbine killers did so easily. 

6. The Timing: The 1990’s and 2000’s were a very significant time in our history. Eric and Dylan were a part of the first generation of people to grow up with revolutionary technology such as computers and the world wide web. In this time, media was really beginning to flourish like never before and while there have been school shootings prior to Columbine, none of them ever received such an astronomical amount of attention because the means for it had never really been there to that scale. Columbine was revolutionary and Eric and Dylan, both having an above average knowledge on computers, media and the internet, knew that it was the best time to make the attack. “Producers will be fighting over our story.”

Of course, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. No one will ever really know why Columbine stood out so high above the rest. Our society works in mysterious ways and with so many tragedies happening somewhere in the world every day, there’s no way of knowing what one will make the headlines next.

(via True-Crimes)


December 1999 in TIME Magazine - The Columbine Tapes PT.1


December 1999 in TIME Magazine - The Columbine Tapes  PT.2

» A message from Anonymous:

Are you and your followers up for a game? :] Reblog this and add the next letter of the alphabet with a word that you associate with Columbine. Let me start with: A for Arlene. Your turn, Eva! :]

*laughs* Not sure how many of them are gonna pick this one up, but hey — let’s try it! ;)

B - BLEVE (the name for the reaction that would’ve occurred in the bombs if they’d detonated)

Posted 2 weeks ago with 6 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 




In Romania there has been 0 school shootings.

Reblog and say how many school shootings has occured in your country:)

UK has had one I think (The Dunblane Massecre) in which 17 people including young children were murdered. It sparked MAJOR change in our gun laws ect. The US needs to take a leaf out of our book.


The Netherlands: 2 small shootings in schools, and a few stabbings with lethal consequences. The first shooting resulted in five injured, but was motivated by reasonings akin to an honour killing. The second was directed at one specific person and ended in the death of that person without further injuries to another. I think in both cases the perpetrators lived?

» A message from Anonymous:

Being an "expert" on a 15 year-old case where a bunch of children died (yes, including Eric and Dylan) isn't exactly a major life accomplishment. Get over yourselves.

*raises eyebrow*

Why am I being addressed in the plural? I’m just one person — hi, this is me! — running this blog all by my lonesome. I’m not aware that I share my body with anybody/anything else, so I’d prefer to be addressed in the singular from this point onward. Thanks.

And if you meant to address the readers of this blog, then I must say that this will be the last time I shall provide you with the platform to do so. If you have something to say to the Columbiners, you can make your own blog. We’re used to having people like you generalising us and making the cuckoo-motion with your hands when you think we’re not looking, so you’d fit right in. Maybe that’s an idea for the next time you feel the absolute urge to be so derisive about us?

A few things, now, before I wrap this up and roll my eyes at you:

  1. I’ve never claimed to be an ‘expert’ on the case, nor will I ever do so. Maybe I should make a tiny addendum to my intro saying “I’m an amateur researcher, hear me roar”? Would that help?
  2. The case is 15 years old, but it has not lost a single scrap of relevance and significance to the world we live in today. You probably would not say the same thing to the researchers who’ve devoted their professional lives to cases like WWII, the JFK assassination, and other major historical events whose impact is still felt on a global scale today. Why, then, would you say it to a 25-year-old woman running a amateur research blog on the Columbine case? It’s a problem to me that you cannot see how relevant this event is to our education, our children, and our approaches to mental health and global wellbeing.
  3. Major life accomplishment? Are you seriously suggesting that doing this research is what I see as my major accomplishment in life? Hahahahaha. Do you wanna try that again? My single greatest life accomplishment is and will always be staying alive when I felt like I wanted to die — nothing else can touch that, nothing else will ever come close to having that significance — and I will not have you make any assumptions for me about what makes my life have purpose and meaning.


Have a nice day!

Posted 3 weeks ago with 6 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 
» A message from Anonymous:

hey do you think eric and/or dylan would have been into older chicks? i mean, i can maybe see it on an intellectual or emotional level, to a certain extent, but i just can't see either of them getting off on saggy tits/ass/pussy. sigh who am i to judge tho. thoughts?

*laughs* Can I just tell you I love the way you phrased this? Made me laugh out loud during my lunchbreak when I caught sight of it, haha. ;) But, hey, I think things start to sag at a wayyyy later age than anything the boys would’ve gone for.. so that shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.

I don’t think they’d object to older chicks. I think said chicks might object to them, though. Eric had the emotional range of a teaspoon when it came to relationships and I’m pretty damn sure Dylan wasn’t far behind (if only for his lack of experience in that field, huh). I think Eric was way too immature for an older girl and Dylan brought a whole new set of complications in terms of depressive moods with him into any type of relationship. On the other hand, I think that it could’ve challenged them to be with someone who could level with them mentally/emotionally and provoke new thoughts and ideas out of them. Might’ve done some good.

But I’m also of the opinion that a significant age difference (say, 5 years minimum) at the age of the boys would have provided a new set of complications. I’m 25 years old right now, and I can’t imagine dating an 18-year-old — the difference in life experience and current goals in life is too great. It’s a different world altogether. An older girl may have a steady job, may be looking to get her own place, may want to travel extensively.. A high school student like the boys wouldn’t quite fit into that worldview, if only because they are not in the possession of such liberty at that time. (I hope nobody trips all over me for saying this, lol — it’s one woman’s opinion and I know there are quite a few relationships that work out happily despite these circumstances. =) It’s just something I think we should take into account here, no?)