I wish there was a “Dylan Klebold Inside Columbine” video like Eric’s

Perhaps this ‘wall-building’ was a result of Eric’s growing feeling of being alone. Why be connected to everyone who tries to fit into a society that does not work? Why go out of your way to be friends with anyone when all they give in return are looks of confusion and perhaps even judgment? He never speaks of this loneliness with as many words as he gave to his hatred and anger. It is very clear that Eric begins both his website and his journal from a place of fueled rage. He rallies against society’s expectations, the constraints he felt were being put on him, and speaks of the human race at large with equal amounts of disdain and exasperation. His journal does show his personal, truthful thoughts most of the time. But it is also an exercise in showmanship. Eric knew exactly who his audience would be by the time he made his first entry on 4/10/98. He knew which parts of his journal should be amplified in their rage. He knew which parts would be read as most concerning. His entire journal reads as a showcase of every single dark thought that ever crossed his mind, which is then expressed in exactly the ways that has led to many believing him to be a run-of-the-mill psychopath. [x]

It is only in the last-ever journal entry where we receive a glimpse of Eric. The rant before it spoke of being left out of fun things, even though people had ways to contact him and ask him to come along. The glimpse we get of Eric is the ending note of his journal, left unsigned, that speaks of him briefly and unfavourably: “no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo”. It is a sentence tainted with the hurt of being rejected and being secluded from things by his peers. It speaks of Eric as weird-looking yet again, but more importantly is the reference to himself as a “kid”. Eric knows that this is the way in which he is seen by virtually anyone. The vitriol in the word ‘kid’ is tangible on the page, standing out starkly against a journal from someone who fashioned himself a man unlike any other, and it is apparent that this was the term others used to describe Eric with as well. It’s not the affectionate or exasperated ‘kid’ I throw around on my own blog as an address to both boys and Eric in particular, either, but rather an expression of how little Eric meant to the direct society he found himself in. He was just the ‘kid’. The throw-away, don’t-think-twice-about-him kid with the accent from everywhere and nowhere. The kid who always started at the bottom of the ladder and never worked his way back up again. There is no strong Reb they can see with which he can fool them into thinking that he has the power in any given situation. Reb isn’t there to hold onto when the rejection is still fresh, and all the rage in the world can’t erase the pain of being on his own. There is just Eric in these moments— and Eric doesn’t like Eric very much at all. [x]

» A message from Anonymous:

I hope TJ murders you and your fucking family. You deserve it.



Hahaha, if he ever escapes prison for more than 100 yards and manages to be smart enough to know where my country is.. I’ll be waiting for his pitchfork with bated breath.

I am actually seriously disappointed that you picked motherfucking TJ to send me as a threat. You can do so much better than that! But, oh, wait, that’d actually require intelligent thought..

I’m sorry but if someone was going to murder me and my family, I’d rather it be him than someone else. Just saying.

Well, sure, getting murdered by TJ would be a better option than being the victim of some other killers. But the dude lacks finesse and style, not to mention maturity, and you’ve got to admit it’s disappointing to be faced with a mediocre death threat like him. ;)

Posted 6 days ago with 10 Notes - Reblog - Via - Source
» A message from Anonymous:

I hope TJ murders you and your fucking family. You deserve it.

Hahaha, if he ever escapes prison for more than 100 yards and manages to be smart enough to know where my country is.. I’ll be waiting for his pitchfork with bated breath.

I am actually seriously disappointed that you picked motherfucking TJ to send me as a threat. You can do so much better than that! But, oh, wait, that’d actually require intelligent thought..

Posted 6 days ago with 10 Notes - Reblog

Sometimes, you’ve got to wonder what our occasional haters think they’ll achieve by ranting at us and sending us all these asks about how we’re all psycho/crazy/delusional/garbage/future killers. Interest in true crime is an essential part of life that requires a great deal of empathy and a willingness to understand the deepest and darkest places of the human psyche. It’s not for everyone, sure, but it’s an interest that’s not stranger than an interest in history or sociology. Why do you think so many of the people from this tag and other true crime tags aspire to become psychologists/psychiatrists, lawyers and other law enforcement people, even teachers and guidance counselors? We’ve seen the abyss that people must stare down or even descend into over the course of a lifetime, and where would you be without our understanding of that place?

Most of us aren’t advocates of what Eric and Dylan did. Hell, most of us don’t even have hybristophilia. Our ages range from very young to quite mature. Some of us grow out of it over time, taken up by other interests and pursuits in life. Others stay and become like little fossils with well-rounded and educated opinions aplenty to share. I’ve seen more wisdom and kindness in this tag than I’ve seen in a great many others. The community is here for you the minute something’s up in your life that you don’t know how to handle on your own, and it’s there for you too when you just want to relax and have a laugh with people who understand a part of you that very few people comprehend. We can be theatrical, hilarious, kind, angry, sad, happy, simply emotional, defensive, squabbling, any of those things — we are, quite simply put, human beings bonding over a common interest and forming new friendships and a chain of support along the way. None of these people I see here are insensitive little monsters whose biggest wish is to shoot up a school or partake in some other heinous crime. There is nothing but respect for the innocent victims in this case (if you take a little while longer, you’ll see that the only ones we ever crack jokes about are the boys themselves) and a great many of us have sat here in tears and anger while listening to the 911-tape, reading witness statements, or viewing other material about the case. It’s impossible to not be shaken by Columbine.

And it stays with you, throughout the years, even if you aren’t actively involved in the community, because Columbine’s not over. It’s not done. It’s an active case in quite a few respects, with the biggest of them all being that school shootings are forming an epidemic as we speak and none of the current system’s works are adequate enough to halt these. We can, and must, learn from Eric and Dylan and apply our knowledge to help children today and tomorrow before they go and idolise two boys whose surviving legacy is one of destruction, desperation, and despair.

You want to come in here and judge? You want to create some poorly-written article with quotes from us that aren’t even represented correctly? You want to spend all your time in hatred and sending messed-up messages to what are often young people trying to find their feet in life? Far be it from me to stop you, but you gotta admit that it’s pretty damn laughable that you actually think we give a hoot about misinformed and misconstrued opinions that have often been spoonfed by the media and a certain person called Dave Cullen who likes to refer to himself as an ‘author’. We’ve heard it all before. Every screaming piece of hate, we’ve seen it. Every itty bitty square fragment of “I hope you all die in a fire”, yup, we’ve been there. Guess what: we’re still here. We have a right to be, and we’re not going anywhere just because some random person flounces into the tag and denounces us collectively as “would-be mass murderers”. So, save your breath. Calm yourself down. Read along, grab a seat, have at it, surprise us even with a more constructive criticism than we’re used to! — but don’t think that just because you don’t like us we’re gonna magically explode into the atmosphere. Never gonna happen. At the end of the day, your opinion of us weighs less than sunlight in comparison to the bonds we’ve formed with the case and with each other.

Posted 1 week ago with 32 Notes - Reblog
# Columbine # columbiners # this has been a psa 
» A message from Anonymous:

It's one thing to educate people and make sure something like columbine never happens again. It takes a certain amount of absolute garbage to glorify what happened. How does it feel to be a complete waste of resource?

Oh, hi there. Good morning to you as well! How’s your day going? Sounds to me like you’ve got a bee stuck up your bonnet about something — you poor thing. Did you know that taking it out on other people really isn’t the best coping strategy for that? =) It’s sort of like the externalisation Eric Harris always did, in the sense that he was feeling a lot of shit on the inside but couldn’t cope with it so he lashed out at others without even discriminating between people responsible and innocent bystanders. As far as I’m concerned, in your message, I’m the innocent bystander being made into a person responsible here. And that ain’t gonna fly.

You said glorification? I’ll give you a shred of what glorification looks like.

I’m crying forever over the loss of your two beautiful souls, Eric and Dylan. I miss you so, so much. You guys knew what was up in the world and did something about it. I admire you for that! I wish I had the courage to follow in your footsteps. You were so brave, the both of you, and I hate humanity for doing all that crap to you. I’m so sorry that the bombs failed you — wouldn’t it have been something if you guys had killed even more, taken more of that garbage heap with you? NBK was fucking perfect, though. You ripped the hell out of the system indeed. It’s nothing more than the system with all its blindfolded sheep and zombies fucking deserves. You are my heroes.

Of course, I’m being utterly sarcastic here. Not a single part of me will ever call these two heroes for taking up arms and gunning down defenseless people while laughing and cheering about it. I don’t admire them for walking into that school and doing what they did — I’d sooner resent them for it, especially because I know the flipside of the coin they were offered and it kills me that neither of them waited it out like I did and did the work toward making life better for them and people around them. My internal monologue toward these two is absolutely peppered with things like “you fucking morons what the fuck were you thinking?” and “oh great going Eric you complete asshat did you even have full brain capacity when you thought of that?” and “Dylan I swear to fucking god did you ever quit moping because all I see is woe-is-me-I-am-desolation”.. and I’m pretty damn sure that at least some of that frustration has worked its way into my blog before. I am one of the few actively warning against following in their footsteps. I’ve been honest in saying that I was like them once, and the fact that I am here today supports that life often gets better and that you shouldn’t fucking throw it away because it sucks and you wanna die right now.

But, sure, throw me onto the glorification pile by all means. Stay blind to what I’m actually saying and have been saying all along. Stay blind to my exasperation with Eric and Dylan, although I’m not quite sure how you missed that, and stay under the assumption that I am a carbon copy of those two. It’s one thing to educate people and make sure nothing like Columbine ever happens again, indeed, so why don’t you make the first move toward a better world and quit being such a judgmental hissyfit over what I do on the internet?

Posted 1 week ago with 6 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 

The Gifted Mind: Dylan Klebold 

I usually don’t reblog my own stuff, but well.. it’s the birthday and I don’t have new material for you yet. Since we’re all pretty stuck in the Dylan-sentiment right now, this felt appropriate to reshare. Enjoy the read. =)

Posted 1 week ago with 11 Notes - Reblog
# dylan klebold # Columbine 

When the waves washed the body closer to shore, Alcyone saw it was her husband. She cried out, “Oh, my love! Why have you come back to me this way?”
Then she rushed into the sea. And though the waves broke against her, she did not go under. Instead, she began beating the water with giant wings. Then, crying out like a bird, she rose into the air and flew over the sea to Ceyx’s lifeless body. When she touched her husband’s cold lips with her beak, he also became a bird, and the two of them were together again.
Since that time, every year, for seven days before the winter solstice, the waves are quiet, and the water is perfectly calm. These days are called halcyon days, for during them, the king of the winds keeps the winds at home — because his daughter, Alcyone, is brooding on her nest upon the sea.

Taken from the myth of Ceyx and Alcyone, one of the namesakes for the halcyon so coveted by Dylan during his lifetime. May the waves be quiet on your journey, may the winds call you home, and may you find that love you wanted wherever you now roam. Happy birthday, dear heart.

Posted 1 week ago with 7 Notes - Reblog
# dylan klebold # Columbine 
» A message from Anonymous:

what do you think would happen if two teen girls gunned or bombed down a high school? if they left journals and video diaries.... do you believe if they killed a lot of people it would be more famous than columbine? how do you think the media would take it?

That’s a really interesting question, thanks! =) (I saw it appear before on several blogs and was hoping to get it, too, so here we are! ;))

I think that nothing can surpass Columbine in levels of ‘fame’, although any new big case (think Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech) will be mentioned and examined pretty extensively as well. Columbine anchored itself into a generation, marked the turning point of one era into the next, influenced pop culture on a global scale, is remembered for many of its unique qualities, and was a real shock to the system when it occurred. The shootings that have happened since don’t have the ‘benefit’ of shock so much anymore. Columbine struck at the heart of the US, in my opinion, and nobody ever saw that one coming until it was too late. Right now, we’re basically just waiting for the next one and nobody’s surprised when someone gets arrested for having made plans in that vein or when another school is under siege. A bombing might reverberate more in people’s memories at this point, although that’s also a more unlikely scenario to have happen. Easier to get guns than bombs, it seems?

However, it’d be interesting to see the repercussions of two females committing to an act like this. A lot of the current existing material on the psychology of school shooters revolves around “boys will be boys”, or the psyche of the male adolescent, and a case with female shooters would add a wholly different dimension to the existing ballpark. The media would probably be a little lost, as so much of what they report hinges on the perception of ‘the school shooter’ as though they’re all the same animal with no distinct differences. I don’t even think they’d have to kill a lot of people in order to get that level of attention — it’s the fact of their gender alone that would upend the entire argument.

There are a lot of overlapping patterns (mental illness, medication, isolation, bullying, self-esteem) in most of the school shooters that I’m aware of. Girls suffer from the same things (hell, I’ve been there) but yet it’s not as common for them to go down the Eric/Dylan-track even though many of them vocalise having shared the sentiment of these two boys. I’m thinking that maybe it’s more commonly accepted for women to seek help and try to connect with people who can help them out? That it’s expected of men to solve their own problems and ‘man up’ in dealing with their feelings, while women have a ‘free pass’ in expressing how they feel? (This is diving into gender rolepattern theory, but I’d find it a pretty plausible explanation as to why women are statistically more likely to reach out rather than blow up.) In light of all of that, it’d be fascinating to examine the journals/materials of these female shooters if such an event ever came to pass. (Which, by the way, I’m hoping it doesn’t! None of you reading this get a free pass to do it — trust me when I say life’s worth every bit of hassle you’re going through now, and that things do get better after high school. From the one-time potential mass murderer to the other prospective ones.. do not do the thing.)

Posted 1 week ago with 3 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 



The Transceiver of the Everything
(metaphysics with Dylan Klebold)

"Ok here’s some poetry… this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things…

Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The petty destinations of others & everything on this world, in this world, He knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to Him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything…using His mind, the most powerful tool known to Him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions… the everything is his realm. Yet, the more He thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to Him at this time, how He wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything.   Then occurring to Him, the answer.
How everything is connected yet separate.
By experiencing the petty others’ actions, reactions, emotions, doings, and thoughts, he sets a mental picture of what, in His mind, is a cycle.  Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.  Questions make answers, answers, conceive questions and at long last he is content. 
TTTYL «-VoDkA-» “

"Within the known limits of time… within the conceived boundaries of space… the average human thinks those are the settings of existence… Yet The Ponderer, The Outkast, The Believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions” says The Ponderer, “but of 3 as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see My 3 dimensions - My realm of thought - time, space & THOUGHT.  Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet, those are the best emotions of a Ponderer. The real difference is, a True Ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them.”

—Dylan Klebold

Classic reblog to inspire a certain someone. ;)

The certain someone thanks you very much. =D

Posted 1 week ago with 135 Notes - Reblog - Via
# dylan klebold 

What they deserve is remembrance. Not forgiveness. There’s a difference.

Brooks Brown (via natural-born-columbiner)

Note: every time I see this post, I am reminded of a quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer that sums up my own feelings on the subject quite nicely. "To forgive is an act of compassion. It’s not done because people deserve it. It’s done because they need it."

Posted 2 weeks ago with 105 Notes - Reblog - Via - Source
# some random sentiment I'm sure 

Tiny update-y thing about the next Dylan-piece, Dreaming The Halcyon.. I said some months ago that I was hoping to have it complete by his birthday, but it’s almost that time now and there’s been zero on the writing front. I got a new job that’s been soaking up a lot of my time and energy (not an excuse, but it’s a sort-of explanation as to why I have been quite missing in action of late) and it’s not left me with much Dylan-space for actual research and writing. However, inspiration has struck right now right this evening.. and I intend to grab it by the throat and run with it. Stay tuned, folks!


Does anyone know what the deal is with the book We Are But We Aren’t Psycho? I really really want to read it but as far as I know, none of us have read it and it’s not available for purchase online. Does anyone know why?

Tim Krabbé (its author) is a Dutch author whose work on Columbine hasn’t yet been translated (except, you know, for some random snippets and one big chapter done by little amateur me =P) and unfortunately isn’t set for release in the English language any time soon as far as I’m currently aware. However, some of Krabbé’s work has been released in other languages before because he is one of my country’s more well-known authors. (Well-loved on those book lists you have to complete for your high school exams over here, especially because his books are easy reading and have good entertainment value to boot. =)) It’s not entirely impossible for Wij Zijn Maar Wij Zijn Niet Geschift to make it into an official translation someday.

If not, I’ll just continue doing my own makeshift ones until you guys have most of the book complete. He uses a lot of their journal entries and other writings in the chapters themselves and annotates them with little comments here and there. The chapter I have translated is the one that details the shooting, but the other chapters basically talk you through the lives of Eric and Dylan in chronological order. I’ve been neglectful of the translations of late due to being quite swamped in my personal life, but I’m looking to get back to them and I do take requests for the future in case you want to see something in particular. Just let me know! =)

Posted 2 weeks ago with 13 Notes - Reblog - Via
# this has been a psa 
» A message from Anonymous:

You and other blogs here are the reason acolumbineblog is gone. If you didn't exist, her blog would continue to have visits and she didn't need to lock it. You stupid bitches. You'll never be as good as her.

Or maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to jump to conclusions? I know for a fact that the reason why Andi locked her blog has nothing to do with any of us blogging about Columbine or about the lack of visits she was getting. I spoke with her a while ago and she’s been nothing but a sweetheart, so whatever imaginary pedestal you’re putting her on clearly isn’t one she adheres to herself.

It’s not a competition either, you know? It’s a free internet — how about you let everybody do their thing and just enjoy the fact that so many of us are blogging about the boys and the case? ;) Why insist on stirring up non-existent drama when the bloggers themselves actually get along just fine doing their thing and admiring the stuff that other people put together? I see fucking awesome posts from others and I know that they appreciate some of my stuff, too. Where’s the problem, again? =)

Posted 3 weeks ago with 3 Notes - Reblog
# Anonymous 


Goodbye…Sorry to everyone..I just can’t take it… (Part 1)

Goodbye, Sorry to everyone… I just can’t take it… all the thoughts… too many…make my head twist.. I must have happiness.. love, peace, ..goodbye..

I don’t fit in I’m thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever is after this life - that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE - w/ me - my soul (existence)

That’s all for this topic…maybe I’ll never see this again…

oooh god, I want to die so bad…such a sad, desolate, lonely unsalvageable I feel I am…not fair NOT FAIR!!!

[redacted] can get me that gun I hope, I want to use it on a poor S.O.B. I know..his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give..

I hate everything, why can’t I die..not fair.

No emotions. not caring yet another stage in this shit life. suicide…
Dylan Klebold

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

Abandonment. this room sux..wanna die

———————————————————————————— "He had a lot of pain - he told me that,” says his friend Sarah Slater, 16.

Posted 3 weeks ago with 284 Notes - Reblog - Via - Source
# dylan klebold